Self-Care That Fits Busy Mom Life

Amanda White, LCSW

Before I became a mom myself, when I was a therapist to moms and women, one topic we would cover quite frequently in sessions was the idea of self-care. I would ask moms often, “How are you taking care of you? What are you doing to fill up your cup in order to be the best mom you can be for your own family? How can you take a break to do something you enjoy?”

Many times, moms would respond with their list of barriers and reasons why this wasn’t possible. There wasn’t the time. There wasn’t anyone to watch the kids in order for them to have time of their own. There wasn’t enough energy left at the end of a long day to focus on themselves. There was the feeling of guilt they navigated each time they tried to practice self-care, when they knew they could be doing something else for their kids, home, job, or family. The list of reasons why moms couldn’t fit self-care into their normal routine was endless.

As a therapist, there were times I just couldn’t understand this. I thought to myself, what do you mean you can’t find a half hour a day for yourself? What do you mean you don’t have the time to exercise, read a book, or go for a walk? And then, I became a mom—first to my oldest son, then to my second boy, and finally to our third child, a girl. And then? Then I understood all of the barriers my clients had shared. That feeling of not having enough time, being physically and emotionally exhausted, and feeling as though all of the things I needed to do outweighed the idea of doing something I wanted to do for myself.

As a mom, I began to realize that self-care (although highly important) needed to look different in this season of my life. This perspective shift led me to develop new ideas of what self-care could look like in motherhood. It also made me let go of my excuses and barriers as to why I couldn’t take time for myself.

Here are some practical ideas of what self-care can look like in a busy mom’s life:

• Take a simple and short reset: This can look like stepping outside for 5–10 minutes to get some fresh air while your children are napping or even watching a show. It could mean stepping into another room and taking 3 slow, deep breaths, or even pausing to do some brief stretches as a great way to relieve tension in your head, neck, and shoulders.

• Seek connection: Being a mom can feel lonely at times, but it doesn’t have to. Text a friend briefly if you are having a challenging moment with your kiddos. Plan a playdate at your house or a park in order to do motherhood alongside someone else and talk with another adult.

• Appeal to your senses: Sip on your warm coffee and be intentional about enjoying the warmth and flavor as you taste it. Play a favorite song or music you enjoy instead of listening to kids’ tunes. Get outside in nature (whether with your kids or not) and allow yourself to take in the sights, sounds, and smells of your surroundings. All of these activities are great ways to practice mindfulness as well, which helps to regulate your central nervous system.

• Lighten the mental load: Allow yourself to prioritize just 3 tasks, such as chores or responsibilities for the day, and forget the rest. When possible, try to outsource tasks that you can, such as picking up groceries or having them delivered. Choose to delegate one thing from your week to your partner or someone else. This will allow your own mind to rest and have more space to focus on your own needs.

• Practice daily rituals: Consider having small, set rituals for each morning and evening. This could include prayer/Bible reading, a small workout, or meditation in the morning. The evenings could involve skincare, changing into comfy pajamas, writing in a gratitude journal, or reading a book before bed. By creating small habits such as these, self-care will become more automatic instead of feeling like something you must work hard to achieve.

• Find ways to engage in your own self-care alongside your children: It may feel impossible to find time to engage in self-care away from your children, but don’t let that stop you. Enjoy reading? Great—sit outside and read as they play on their swing set. Love arts and crafts? Wonderful—set your children up with coloring or another art activity while you get to invest time in whatever craft you may be working on. Find ways to engage in your own hobbies alongside your children. Even if this only lasts 15–20 minutes, that is time that you can invest in yourself and find enjoyment in your hobby.

Just the other day, a group chat I’m in with other moms started blowing up. It was one mom sharing her coupon code for a free coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts. It may seem silly, but soon all the mamas were texting back and forth, either sharing pictures of their free coffee drinks or words of excitement over when they were going to grab their free drink.

Me? I was already running errands with my two young children when I received the text, but stopping at Dunkin’ was the perfect addition to my day. I was able to indulge in something just for me, which often feels very rare and hard for us moms during the busy seasons we are in. That’s what self-care looked like for me on that particular day, and it was exactly what I needed.

So mamas, what are you waiting for? Go do something small for you today. Whatever it is, no matter how small it may seem, you won’t regret it!