Finding Community in Motherhood and Why It Matters

Written by: Amanda White, LCSW

Have you ever found yourself in a room full of people but still felt lonely? Maybe you feel more connected than ever through modern-day technology, including social media and cell phones, yet still feel isolated. Maybe you long for real, in-person connections and the genuine support that comes from talking with others.

Motherhood can feel a lot like this for many moms. You're not alone, and it's certainly not quiet. The days are long, loud, and often filled with moments of overstimulation brought to you by the littlest people you love the most. But amidst all the chaos and the day-to-day schedules centered around raising young children, many moms feel alone, isolated, and lost, with no one to talk to about their feelings and thoughts. Many moms feel like they're navigating motherhood on their own, with no "village" or social support. Many don't have extended family members, friends, or a community calling to check in on them or dropping by to visit them and their children.

Loneliness is one of the leading contributors to depression today, and it's certainly no different for moms. Loneliness is the feeling of being disconnected, unsupported, and lacking meaningful relationships. Although social connection isn't a cure for depression or mental illness, it is a powerful protective factor for mental health.

Moms need community to realize they're not alone, receive encouragement, normalize the challenges of parenting, create friendships for themselves and their children, and offer practical support during difficult seasons. The benefits of having community in motherhood are endless, though it doesn't always feel easy to find that support.

Sometimes, however, taking small steps to reach out and slowly leave your comfort zone can lead to the biggest changes and help you begin building friendships with other moms.

• Make the first move. Start by leaving your house and placing yourself in environments where friendships with other moms can be built. Go to the playground, trampoline park, library story time, or local zoo. As awkward as it may feel, start conversations with other moms in these everyday settings, exchange phone numbers, and keep in mind that most moms are in the same boat as you—often feeling a little lonely themselves and eager to build friendships as well.

  
  

• Invest in the people you know. Maybe you already have acquaintances or friendships through work, church, school, your neighborhood, or your child's sports team. Start investing in these relationships. Share your phone number with another mom and begin texting throughout the week. Invite a mom or two to grab coffee or meet for a playdate at your house or the local park.

  
  

• Join a more formal support group. Many communities have local moms' groups that offer support. These may exist through churches, community centers, or local hospitals that provide postpartum support through breastfeeding groups or new mom groups. Start by attending these meetings in the hope that they will lead to continued interactions with moms outside of the group.

  
  

• Show up regularly and consistently. Real friendships and meaningful connections take time. Meet consistently with other moms as you work to form genuine relationships. Be someone who reaches out, invites others, and texts or calls regularly.

  
  

• Be authentic. Don't feel like you need to act as though you have it all together. Be genuine and authentic as you meet new moms and form new friendships. Remember that other moms are looking for people who show up as their real selves and can walk alongside them as they navigate the challenges and stresses of motherhood.

Community isn't about finding the perfect group of moms—it's about finding people who will walk beside you through the beautiful, messy, and ordinary days of motherhood.

If you need someone to talk to about finding community in motherhood or anything else, we are just a phone call away. Reach out today to get connected and receive the support you deserve.